Christina, service professional 1st class, 4 stars....


I woke up hung over in the back of a V.W. bus parked in a no longer empty parking lot in some sub-urb of Oaklahoma City. Someone was tapping on my window with a flashlight and telling me I needed to pay him four bucks to park for the day or get moving. If the lot had any shade I'd have given him ten bucks, but instead I asked him where I could get some Jo-Jo Potatoes.

He pointed me to a fried chicken drive-in down the street and I started the bus warming. Dan, the owner of the bus and my travellin' companion on this trip woke up and climbed into the passenger seat. He started calculating how much wine we'd actually consumed the night before in ounces. We pulled up in front of the chicken place and after tidying up the bus and ourselves we approached the window.

I needed the only hangover cure I've ever known, a Coke (preferably in the can) and some breaded and fried potatoes. At the window, ready to take our order was Christina. service professional, first class, four stars. After ordering my necessaties I asked Christina about her name tag with it's neat row of stars along the bottom.

"So, I see you got four stars there."

"Yep. I got one for every year I've worked here." she leaned closer, "And when I get my star this year, they're gonna have to start a brand new row."

She was right. There was not room for a single star more on that name badge unless you started another row. I had to this point still never managed to hang onto a job for more than a year at a time and was travelling around the country in a VW Bus spending the last paycheck I'd gotten. I stood facing this woman who was probably a good two years younger than me and yet was going on her fifth year at a job. I of course figured I had something to teach her. Well, okay, she had something to teach me too. Like how to get to Oaklahoma City. I hit her up for directions.

"Hey listen Christina. Can you tell us how to get to Oaklahoma City from here?"

"Oh, you're going to Oaklahoma City! I've never been."

"What. How far is it?"

"About an hour."

"Now Christina, I can see you've worked here for at least four years, and you're gonna tell me that in that four years you never once traveld the one hour drive to Oaklahoma City."

"Well I don't have a car yet. I'm saving up."

"Christina, what time do you get off. We're taking you to Oaklahoma City."

"I Couldn't Do That!"

"Why Not!"

"Well you don't make a big trip like that without some planning. "

I was still hung over, and it did occur to me that I wasn't looking like the kind of guy you jumped into a van with, so I got back to the directions, and the directions Christina gave were as follows.

"Okay pull out of the parking lot here and go back down the street until you come to Main Circle. Make a right on main circle. As you circle around you'll see Oakwood Street, go right past it. Take the circle all the around until you come to Oakwood Street again, make a right and you'll see the freeway to Oaklahoma City."

I thought I understood. "Okay, so pass Oakwood, and then go half away around and pick up Oakwood on the other side?"

"No. You're not listening. Pass Oakwood and go ALL the way around until you come back to Oakwood again, then Make a right."

Dan and I looked at each other insuring that we both sensed the presence of insanity. We thanked Christina and headed out. I came to Oakwood Street and made a right. We were in the kind of neighborhood I didn't think existed anymore. Old black folks sat in front of houses that appeared to have been put together from scrap lumber with tin roofs. We drove for a few miles and seeing no sign of a freeway I turned around and went back to the cirlce and back to the chicken place.

I pulled out of the chicken place and followed Christina's directions exactly. We passed Oakwood, we circled around, all the way around passing the street that would have taken us back to Christina. We came to Oakwood again and made a right. Two blocks later we grabbed the freeway and made our way to Oaklahoma City a little freaked out, enough so that we would not for a second consider going back to investigate.