The Summer of Love

The final days in Sacramento were amazing. I knew I was leaving so I just let myself enjoy the whirlwind; Trips to the river, afternoon naps with Monica in the dark cozy cave that was Jean's apartment, and lots of wine.

I made Bryna a pile of mix tapes. Leonard Cohen, The Velvet Underground, Jonathan Richman, Tom Waits, the soundtrack to our courtship. She would come visit me in S.F. and she was still on board for the road trip that would decide our lives. I threw myself a going away party. I recieved many kisses, including some from my bearded friend Tim, who was battling between being gay and being a born again Christian. I think I pushed him over to the Christ side.

In San Francisco we stayed on a house boat. I couldn't believe the digs. My fellow promoters and flat-mates thought I was a player. It seemed I could use a revolving door into my bedroom. I had plenty of women staying with me, but I was putting less wear and tear on the bedsprings than any of them would have guessed.

Darcy, an old friend who I'd crushed on for years gave me some kissing and then we fell asleep together.

Victoria came to stay. We were making out hot and heavy and our clothes were all over the floor. I got up to get a condom, and she said "No." So, we kissed some more, things got hot again, we came very close to having unprotected sex. When I got up for a condom she again said "No." It seemed she would only have sex if it wasn't safe. I was confused. I thought maybe I was going to fast. I touched her with my fingers, and she didn't stop me, but she just lay there, not moving.

"What's wrong." I asked. She stared at the cieling. This was a sign of some serious baggage and I didn't want to be party to making things worse. I went back to kissing and cuddling. In the morning we had a shower together. I wished I could help her, but I'd have to settle for not hurting her. I had too many of my own demons to take care of.

When Monica visited it felt sad. I could tell I was losing her again. Absence made my heart grow fonder, but for her it was more a case of 'Out of site, out of mind.' It seemed she fell out of love with me when I wasn't there to win her love every day. We had clumsy awkward sex. She told me I needed to call my mom. She said it with some urgency. When she left I felt unsatisfied and for a moment regretted my choice to leave Sacramento.

Bryna visited and with her too things seemed sad. She seemed to love me as much as ever but I got the feeling she was tired of playing the game with me and my confusing love life. She told me she'd write a letter telling me what was going on with her, but I moved around too much, and the letter never found me.

I met Jill, a girl who was camping, ie living the homeless lifestyle, presumably by choice. She was so brave to let go of all security and live the way she had chosen to live. I entertained the thought of living this way myself but I was already on a course, and would see it through. I was intimidated by her and so I slept next to her, and watched her sleep. I spent a beautiful day off walking around by the docks with her and then I said goodbye as I left San Francisco for the next town.

Previous
Next