The Perfect Relationship; Six Weeks

Passing out flyers was a great way to meet new friends. You had an ice breaker, and part of the job was being out amongst people your own age, the Animation Fest's demographic. Stephanie took a flyer from me on campus (FSU Tallahassee). She was a cute, petite girl with an amazing smile. Her lips didn't seem to want to cover her teeth, as if it took effort not to smile. We talked about music, from Smashing Pumpkins to James to Psychic TV. I wanted to see her again, and I'd been wanting to go ice skating on the outdoor rink by the crappy Howard Johnson's where I was staying. So, I asked her if she'd meet me there the next day and she agreed to do so.

It was a novelty ice skating outdoors on what felt like a warm spring day. It was in fact December. We held hands while we skated. We took breaks to drink coffee and trade life stories. Stephanie grew up in Florida, not far from Orlando. She had an older brother who she looked up to with reverence and awe. She was pretty fond of her family in general. She'd been raised in a good home, did well in school and was now in college. She was open to life and exciting, but she hadn't found a whole lot of adventure. I guess that was a big part of my appeal. Here I was, a high school drop out with a job that had me vagabonding about the country.

She snuck me into her dorm for some great make out sessions. She was a virgin and owing to bad past experience, I didn't want to be the one that took her virginity. I wasn't going to be around long enough afterwards. So, we did lots of kissing and cuddling, which was delightful.

I found my friends Bill and Rob, a couple who lived in town. Rob and I had hit it off when I met these two in Sacramento, where therr VW Bus trip led them. On my visit with them I had more of a chance to get to know Bill. I hated my roommate at teh motel so I crashed at my friend's house. We had a blast, Bill and I, shopping and checking out the Tallahassee gay scene. It was a scene Rob wanted nothing to do with. "I can't believe my boyfriend is such a fag." he'd complain.

Bill and I hit it off almost too well. Rob had expressed some jealousy, despite their open relationship, and Bill asked me what there was between us. "I don't know." I answered honestly. "I consider myself straight, but it's kind of by choice. I mean, I could probably be bi if I wanted to, but it would take getting over a bunch of hang ups and what not, and I'm pretty content just dating women. It keeps me plenty busy."

"I never heard anyone say it like that, but I totally get it. I would say I'm gay by choice. I've been with women, and I enjoyed it, but it's just easier for me to deal with guys."

"So, we're cool. Friends and all?"

"Of course." We had a hug, and then proceeded to get stoned out of our minds. Rob nudged me awake none to gently with his foot in the morning. Bill was passed next to me.

"If you want to come out of the closet that's great, but you got to get your own boyfriend."

"Shut up Rob." I laughed, and I think he could see by the fact that I wasn't freaking out, that nothing had happened.

I continued to hang out with Stephanie and with Bill and Rob as the show came close to closing time. I went out for a drink with my boss and the asshole that I was sharing a room. Asshole hooked up with a gorgeous blonde who had the sexy librarian thing down to a tee, including the 'be really smart' part of it. I don't know what she saw in the dipshit, but when he split in one of our rental cars with her, the boss offered me a ride home in the other.

"No thanks, I'm cool." I said, stranding myself at the bar. I sat out front on the curb after last call, enjoying the cool night. Two gorgeous girls came along and asked me if I was okay. I told them I was great but could use a lift to the Howard Johnsons. And so, I ended up in a hotel room with two tall, curvey girls. Silver Kao was Native American with long straight black hair. Melody was a white girl with honey blonde hair. She looked a bit like Cheryl Crow, but in a good way. They were younger than me, and a bit easily impressed which is cute but not a turn on. So, I talked too much and I let them think I was the coolest, but I didn't make any kind of move. For some reason I had them call Bryna at three in the morning.

Asshole came home to find me with two girls in the room. He was suitably impressed and I let him believe whatever he wanted to believe. I got their phone numbers but I never called them.

I was embarassed at having called Bryna. I wrote her a few letters, mostly about Ayn Rand. The more I went through the more Bryna seemed to be the one constant in my life. My parents were divorced, my brothers had families and careers, my friends were scattering everywhere, but always Bryna was available to share my adventures with. I made a point of telling myself that she and I would never work as a couple. I don't know this idea got so implanted in my head. She had said it to me once, that we'd just kill each other, and I told her not to say that. It hurt my feelings to hear her say it, but I seemed to believe it as well.

I got ready to head home, back to Sacramento for Christmas when Stephanie invited me to come to her parents house for a week. I agreed and got my return ticket date changed. For whatever reason she asked me to tell her parents that I was a student at SFU. This seemed strange and I felt like I was an obvious fake as I sat at their dinner table telling them that I was just taking general Ed for now, thinking about an art history degree or maybe philosophy. If I was going to lie about what I was doing with my life, at least I would be honest about being totally impractical.
Stephanie's friends seemed a bit concerened about her choice in male companions. They were rich kids and all in college. I was, what, a hobo really. I had no home address and no real plans for the future accept to try and be happy. When I picked up the tab at Sushi they warmed up a little. Stephanie's buddy Kevin was recently out of the closet and he showed us some hillarious gay porn. The airplane's tall black pilot walks to the restroom, but when open's it, it's already in use by a hunky white guy. "Oh, sorry excuse me." he says as he pulls the door shut. But then he thinks better of it and re-opens the door. "Say, you ever had a big black cock." and in one amazing motion the big black cock in question is out the dude's zipper and in the other dude's mouth. I was howling.

Back at Stephanie's folks house, I'd get comfy in the guest room, and then Stephanie would sneak in and we'd spend the night fooling around. She was comfortable with her bodie and we had no problem sitting around naked, kissing and cuddling. Several times I reconsidered my decision not to have sex with her, but I stuck with it. I also stuck to my promise to be honest with her and with myself. I knew that what we had was good but temporary. Six weeks, from the time I met her until I left town. Two weeks of getting to know each other, holding hands, kissing. Two weeks of heavy petting, and pushing the limits, and two weeks of being lovers and enjoying it. This last part was valid weather it involved what the bad film in sixth grade defined as sex or not. As long as I didn't get caught up in putting myself on, this was perfect.

When I left Florida I felt as clear headed and healthy as I had in years. I knew what I wanted now and would go about making it reality.

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