More Monica and Victoria

My relationship with Monica got off to a great start. I'd had sex, plenty of it, and now I was enjoying going real slow. She was not very experienced sexually and not sure when she'd want our relationship to take that step. This was fine with me. We'd spend hours kissing and cuddling and falling asleep together. We took walks and visited with friends and I was real happy with how things were progressing.

Monica was excited about life and she recharged my passion for exploring the world around me. We scoped out new spots along the river, visited army surplus stores and pet shops that I hadn't noticed before right in my own neighborhood. She was determined to find a way into the legendary underground city that the Chinese traders had built when Sutter ruled Sacramento and made it impossible for them to do business out in the open. Even eating became an adventure as we tried every little restaraunt in town; Indian, Thai, Japanese, and we shopped at all the funky little groceries stores and at the Natural Foods Co-op, always looking out for new foods to try. we tried exotic vegetables and fruit but we also ate up all the new prepackaged processed garbag we could find. Something about junk food marketed as health food or junk food from other cultures was just delightful, like someone else's nostalgia.

We were sitting in Buffalo Bill's Ice Cream in Old Sacramento when I looked at Monica and it dawned on me just how strongly I felt about her and how happy the last few weeks had been. "I Love You!" I said, sounding surprised.

"Thank you." she replied, smiling. Not the response I expected, but somehow better. When I did get an I love you back it wouldn't be a pressured response, it would a sincere, freely given expression. It felt like we were doing good, being thoughtful and not falling into the typical relationship traps.

It really bothered me that I had cheated on Eve. I thought cheaters were the worst. I decided I wouldn't do that again, and since I'd never thought I'd do it to begin with I took steps to insure the promise could be kept. I told Monica I would not commit to a monogamous relationship. I would be her boyfriend and I would be there for her, but we would both be free to see other people. I got the impression that this was what she wanted as well. It felt right. We had it all. We loved being together and we didn't have to worry about resenting each other for what were missing nor did we have to worry that the other was stepping out. It was scary that the other would fal for someone else, but that could happen anyway, and I would rather lose her than hang onto her because she'd made a promise. I wanted to be together because we'd chosen to be together. I felt good about this decision. I felt mature and intelligent.

I felt especially good about it when I met Victoria. I don't remember who introduced us, which fits as Victoria was a very independent woman. She was strikingly pretty with full lips and heavy eylelids. Her light brown hair had highlights and she dressed in very feminine slightly hippie chic style, which suited her quite nicely. She did a little bit of modeling, drove a VW Bug that she worked on with her dad and she had an amazing smile. We talked over coffee and then up in my room. I'd moved into a two bedroom good sized apartment. I still lived with Chris but I had my own room now. Victoria and I enjoyed the view my second story room offered as we talked until the sun came up. We kissed as she said goodbye.

I told Monica about her right away and she started crying. I told her that we could change the relationship. That we could be monogomous but she instisted that I continued to see Victoria.

"I just need to get used to it is all. I'll relax. And I need to go on a date, to see what i's like so I understand." She said, her tears drying.

"Are you sure?"

She said she was, and I took her on it. I didn't share more about Victoria than necessary and since she lived a good couple of hours drive from Sacramento we didn't see each other more than a few times a month.

Like Monica, Victoria did not have much expeirence sexually, and the experience she did have had been bad, so we mostly made out. But we made out hot and heavy. Our clothes stayed on but we wrapped around each other and squeezed, grinding into each other and rolling about. Not having sex had some advantages. I was enjoying getting back in touch with feeling that had at one time been mostly centered around frustration. Now I could really enjoy the hours of teasing. I did, twice have to sneak slyly to the bathroom to change my pants after make out sessions with Victoria got too hot.

When Bryna got back in to town after working a season in Yosemite I figured we could revive our friends with priviledges relationship. I invited her to join me and Khrys on a trip to see My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult in San Francisco. The concert was super sex charged and so was I. I had thought about Bryna many times while she was away. We got back to my place and into bed. After a few good night kisses, I reached for the buttons on her jeans. She moved my hands away.

I meant to say, "Hey, I love you. I've always loved you. I want to have an honest relationship with, to do it right this time." What I said instead was, "Let's not fuck around this time. We're going to kiss, and then kiss some more, and then pretend it's an accident when we end up fucking. Let's just admit that it's what we want and cut the bullshit?"

Her response was a basic 'fuck you' as she headed for the door. I followed her downstairs. "Bryna, don't leave. I don't want you leave." She flashed my a harsh look and continued getting her shoes on. "Okay fine, but listen, if you leave, don't come back, and don't be pissed if you do and I don't let you in, because I'm warning you that I won't. If you walk out that door, it's for good." She walked out the door. I went back to bed.

A few hours later I heard a knocking. It was Bryna. "I told you I wasn't going to let you back in." She started walking off and I opened the door. "No, stop, you can come back." She didn't, and I watched my best friend walk out of my life.

Monica found someone she was interested in dating. My good friend Kurt. She couldn't have made a worse choice. Victoria and Monica didn't know each other, had no friends in common, lived miles apart. Kurt and I were in a band together for crissakes. To make things worse he didn't do real well with the ladies being the kind of sweet guy that every girl wants to be best friends with, so when she showed interest he knew he was in love that instant. He and I managed to remain friends but it quickly became apparent that things weren't working. She would have to decide between us. She could not date us both. I was sure it was a no brainer. She would continue to be my girlfriend. He was just someone she dated. When she made it a big decison I felt like it was compassion for Kurt rather than affection, that she wanted him to feel like he was in the running. She dragged it on long enough that I started to worry.

I sat with Kurt one night, drinking and cursing women kind. I looked at my keychain, a part that had off of Eve's car. I had once met a psychic and had become convinced that items absorbed some record of the people who touched them. I rubbed the keychain and held it, it became a sort of talisman for me. I took it off my keychain and through it into the street. I couldn't seem to shake the same hurts and bumps, and I decided to say fuck you to my past, to try to live by the moment.

I went home and within a few days Monica and I decided to be exclusive. I told Victoria and she seemed fine with it. We would remain friends. I worried about her, that she was okay with everything. I wondered if she was hurting and just keeping it to herself. I was sincere in saying that I looked forward to continuing our friendship.

Monica and I played cupid and set Kurt up with one of Monica's workmates. They hit it off and were married a few years later.

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