Hot Little Nymphos in Heat, apply within

Hey single moms, students, sorrority girls, etc. like being the center of attention? A friend of mine got this crazy e-mail.

Check out the e-mail below and be sure to call the number and listen to the ten minute message. It talks about dressing up "like a hot little nympho in heat" and working the guys up so their one-hour massages "only last two or three minutes. " Wow, this after they assure you the job isn't sleazy. And I see no mention of massages anywhere in the job description?! It is mentioned, barely, in the e-mail, and then explicitly in the phone message. I'm sure the actual touching of weiners doesn't get mentioned until the first day of work. They want to reel you in slowly and carefully.

Listen to an mp3 of the recording by clicking here, or right click and select "Save as" to download.

So this is what the rich are doing with their money. No wonder they get so pissed at having to give any of it to social programs and the like. Here's the E-mail and attachment (note the bold and italics are mine):


Hi Amber:

Thank you for responding to my email about the sexy cocktail server job! I apologize in case it's taken awhile to get back to you - we are opening clubs all over the country and have received a large response. In case you are still interested, we are currently undergoing an expansion at our Sacramento Mannesmann Club and as always, are definitely interested in vivacious and sexy young women for that club that enjoy the game of teasing men and who thrive on the resulting attention! In case you haven't seen it, I've attached a copy of the job description for the Sacramento club (SEE ATTACHMENT). You need to be aware that at this time we have a short waiting list for cocktail server openings at that location. I'm interested in you but won't be able to guarantee an opening for another several weeks. My suggestion is that you initiate the interview process (as described below) right away so that your name can be placed on the list as soon as possible. If you're interested in one of the massage trainee positions ($75/hr. cash – 20 hrs./week max.) we do have a limited number of openings available now.


If you are interested in either of the jobs, the best way to proceed would be the following: I am going to provide you with a phone number that you can call to hear a ten minute message from my boss, James Tucker. He is the person in charge of hiring for these positions (I just screen applicants and forward the ones that sound good). Try to pick a time when you can listen to it completely without distractions. It should provide a pretty complete picture as to what this job entails (also, it does cut off after 10 minutes exactly). After you've listened to it, if you decide that you still want to continue, you'll be able to call a different number and talk directly with James. He'll be able to respond to any of your unanswered questions and arrange to meet with you. He did request that I mention that it would be especially helpful if that when anyone did call him about this job that she try to be somewhere by herself (without distractions) so that she can speak openly without regard to her surroundings! That will enable you to have an honest and direct conversation, without wasting each other's time.


The number to call for the ten minute recording is: 310-599-9005. It can be called anytime 24 hrs – day or night.

The number to call James directly once you've listened to the recording is: 877-634-5510 toll free.

We are located in Los Angeles (although our U.S. headquarters are in Seattle) and the best time to call him is between 6:00 a.m. and 4:30 p.m. Pacific Time on weekdays OR between 6:00 a.m. and 11:00 a.m. Pacific Time on weekends. He's a morning person so it's OK to call early!

I don't want to be too presumptuous but in case you are interested I'm going to drop him an email that you may be one of the individuals calling about the Sacramento club. Good luck!

Michelle Calderone

The Mannesmann Club

888-923-9888

mannesmannclub@cox.net

P.S. Amber, you sound like someone that would be well suited for this job! If this is something you want to pursue I suggest that you not be shy about calling Dr. Tucker directly ASAP and expressing your interest in the job. He's a busy guy but this is his job. In case you don't get through to him immediately don't feel like you're being a pest, just keep calling or leave a message(s) and he WILL call you back. I'll make sure he expects your call!

P.P.S. I'd like to make another suggestion based on past experience - even if you decide against applying immediately; you may want to save this email in a permanent location. You never know when you'll need extra cash.

The Attachment/Job Description:

COCKTAIL SERVERS / HOSTESSES for upscale men's club – SACRAMENTO, CA - $24.50/hour plus $500/month cash clothing allowance!

Students, College Co-eds, Single Moms, Sorority Girls, Ladies looking to earn extra cash on the side discreetly without doing anything "sleazy or illegal" are welcome to apply! You don't have to look like a Playboy model to do this! (Though it's certainly a plus if you enjoy teasing guys in the way you dress and act!) If your favorite holiday is Halloween, this is for you! If your favorite pastime is frequenting clubs and teasing men, why not get paid for it? If you’re the type of gal that has a closet full of sexy clothes that you seldom get to wear, you’re our type of woman!

Part time and full time for national chain of private upscale men's clubs.

Not a strip club!

Throughout 2005-6 we will be opening new locations in close proximity to virtually every large college town throughout the U.S. and Canada, including SACRAMENTO, CA! To find other locations near you contact us by email or phone. You will receive a prompt response! If you are located near a college campus the odds are good there will be a Mannesmann Club near you!

NO NUDITY!

NO TOUCHING BY CLIENTS!

No tipping allowed.

Must be 18 years or older.

$24.50/hour plus $500/mo. clothing allowance. 8-32 hours/week.

No experience necessary - will train.

Must be open minded, responsible, and able to interface with mature, high profile clientele.

Club is open 24 hours/day, seven days/week.

Shifts are four hours long and there are six shifts in every 24 hour period.

Shifts are 12-4, 4-8, 8-12. a.m. and p.m.

Flexible hours available.

Anonymity guaranteed.

Call Michelle Calderone at: 310-485-2000 OR

email her: mannesmannclub@cox.net

PHOTOS (ONE OR MORE) ARE DEFINITELY A PLUS and may be emailed to the same address! PLEASE make an effort to submit one or more - they don't have to be professional! Provocative is better.

Please make sure to include a phone number where we can reach you.

This is a private club. Confidentiality is paramount. If you enjoy being the center of attention this is guaranteed to be an exciting learning experience!


No experience required.

Complete training provided.

Must be 18 years or older!

Must be comfortable wearing provocative attire!

Positive and enthusiastic applicants are especially welcome!

Direct email: mailto:mannesmannclub@cox.net?subject=COCKTAIL SERVERS / HOSTESSES - $24.50/HR. PLUS $500/MO. CLOTHING ALLOWANCE (SACRAMENTO - MANNESMANN)

Direct phone: 310-485-2000

Contact: Michelle Calderone

Although these jobs are available on a year round basis and you are welcome to apply at anytime, our hiring tends to be heaviest around the beginning of fall, summer and spring semesters.

THERE ARE NO BARTENDING OPENINGS AVAILABLE!

I do hope some of you will record your e-mail and phone interactions and share them. This is some hillariously sleazey business right here. Yes it is.

And if I may faux-mo out for a minute, DAMN! $500 a month clothing allowance! I'm there!

Read indy comic hot shot Jeffrey Brown's story HERE
My Cousin's brutal tale of being a beat cop in NYC is HERE
Swimming with dolphins in Gay Hawaii is HERE.
Being Will Ferrell is HERE.

And of course all of my own work tales are HERE!
and my home page is HERE.

Another "All My Jobs" blog

Victoria posted the following on her blog. Cool beans. And even though I'm disturbed that Rob at Cockeyed has ended the long standing tradition of people always refering to me as Keith Lowell Jensen or even KLJ instead of Keith, this is still pretty neat.

All my Jobs: Volume One
While stumbling around one of my favorite blogs Cockeyed.com, I came across a link to this list of all of All of Keith's Jobs in order even!

I thought to myself: I have an uncanny memory, a variable employment history, AND a place to write things down! I should copy him! I'm not going into the amount of detail that he does--I mean, this blog isn't SOLELY about my past employment experiences. I have to talk about my current ones as well!

Aiight, without further ado...all my jobs. In chronological order. This is volume one, because there is no way I could do all of them in one go.

To make this ultra-long list more manageable, I am only going to list jobs I was actually paid for. Maybe another time I'll do a volunteer list.

Job #1: Babysitting a Baby.
When I was 9, my mom loaned me out to her one-armed friend Marilyn. My job was to mind a baby that belonged to one of Marilyn's friends while Marilyn and her buddies got trashed in the next room. I was NOT to come into the other room unless "the baby started on fire". It was a tiny baby still in the un-fun,"dribble-cry-poop-sleep" stages of life. Personally, I wouldn't let a 9-year-old take responsibility for MY newly born infant, but these folks were pretty trashy. Their friends were probably in awe of their responsibility for getting a sitter. My parents weren't in-home partiers, so I'd never seen adults reveling in debauchery before. Once I got the baby to fall asleep, I spent the rest of the evening peering through the keyhole, spying on the drunken antics in the next room. It completely altered my worldview. I'd always suspected that adults were idiots but after that night I was certain.

Job #2: Apartment Mucking Assistant.
I was about 10 or 11 when my mom started loaning me out to another one of her friends, Kim. We knew Kim from her gig at Joe's Donut Shop. This garish red-and-white building is a Sandy landmark and going there was a huge event in our young lives. We were wicked poor, but occasionally we'd have enough extra money to stop in and get a donut, scalding hot chocolate, or a pop. Kim was always so kind behind the counter, but in her role as my boss she was a completely different person. She had a side business cleaning out recently vacated apartments. I was hired as her assistant, which meant that I got up really early on the weekends and spent all day and night doing the shitty gruntwork while she smoked and read magazines. I got to hunch over toiilets that had black crunchiness caked onto the bowls--trying to loosen the rock-hard sludge with toxic chemicals and a butter knife. I also got to crawl into disgusting cupboards and scrub mystery stains in the carpet. Once, I found a pipe and a stash of weed on top of a set of kitchen cupboards. I didn't know what it was, but Kim was really excited to see it and had me rip the place apart looking for more. I had to peel up the carpets even. I'd end each day exhausted, with cracked hands and a headache. I didn't care though--I was SO excited at the prospect of having my OWN money. I'd daydream for hours on what I'd buy with my earnings. The harder I'd work, the more detailed my daydreams became, but weeks went by and she didn't pay me at all. At one point, I wanted to do something with my friend Kim Yandell that I needed money for--Skate World? State Fair? Something like that. I knew I had the money coming, so I asked my mom to get my pay from Kim and Kim got really angry with me for asking for it. She said it wasn't payday yet. I pushed for it, and I eventually got $10--total. I guess even $10 was too much to expect--because I wasn't taken along again.

Job #3: Babysitting for the VanEttens.
Bob and Nancy VanEtten lived up the street from me, and I caught the school bus at their house. I never really noticed the adults that hung around the stop until a day that Nancy came up and thanked me for continuously defending her daughter from from the neighborhood bully Zack Lemmon. After that, Nancy went out of her way to be nice to me. Every morning, she acted excited to see me, and listen to me and ask me all about school. I liked the attention so much that I started leaving the house earlier and earlier to spend more time with the VanEttens. I was over at their house every morning, eating breakfast and watching cartoons. This started a trend--I spent grade school mornings at the VanEttens, middle school mornings loitering in front of the school with hooligans, and by the time I was in high school I was leaving for school at 5:30am. In addition to Nancy liking me, Molly and Kari absolutely adored me. Nancy eventually gave me a job watching them--and after a while I started helping her manage her Daisy Girl Scout troop. I minded Molly and Kari for years and years, until high school. We'd dress up their long-suffering cat Oliver, play Nancy Drew, and make Rice Krispie treats. One year Nancy gave me a gold Girl Scouting locket for my birthday. I wore it every day until 7th grade or so. She was the BEST. The girls got older, the VanEttens moved down by the river and I started being really busy at school...they started calling me less and less and the job just fizzled out. They had my sister sit fot them once--but it just wasn't the same. Nancy was infinitely important to me. She died in a car accident last year and I cried and cried when I heard. That bully Zack Lemmon is also dead but I was not sad about his death AT ALL. (How would you feel if you were 12 and the boy that had been tormenting you for years suddenly died? I was totally relieved!)

Job #4: Babysitting for the people that lived next door to Zack Lemmon.
Through my job watching Molly and Kari, I got a gig occasionally minding these two other girls that lived at the end of Hall Court up the street. I don't remember their names. I only watched them a few times, and the distinguishing memories of my time there almost all involve that ASSHOLE Zack Lemmon making my life miserable. Once, he started a fire in the front yard and laughed when I ran outside in a panic. When I was 14, I was meant to watch the two girls, but when I turned up their mom had let them invite 4 neighbor girls over and told me they'd signed me up to watch all six. She'd promised all of them that I would take them to Meining Park. So, I led 6 girls down to the Fantasy Forest playground and tried to keep these hyperactive youngsters from dying or running off. It was so stressful. At the park, I ran into Bobby Perkins from school and he and his friends made inappropriate jokes about all the kids being mine and called me a slut. Then the little kids yelled SLUT! SLUT! at me all the way home. Good lord. I was pretty frazzled and pissed by the time the parents came back home--and was shocked to discover that they were only going to pay me for their 2 kids. That was the last time I sat for them.

Job#5: Berrypicking.
Ah, berrypicking. The realm of illegal immigrants, tweaked out hippies, and poor rural kids. Nothing like spending hour after hour of your summer "vacation" barefoot in the dirt, mindlessly picking berries under the hot sun. I did this every summer, usually at my Grandma's farm. All three of us kids would pick--and be bitter about the fact that our cousins Tara and David got to watch tv inside instead. Berrypicking can be pretty boring--especially when you are doing it under the watchful eye of your mom and you get busted every time you try to goof off by feeding the cows green apples or cramming berries into your mouth until your cheeks puff out and glops of berry pulp ooze out of your lips while you try to choke back laughter. You get paid cents per pint--and if you are family you get even less. I also picked berries at the Vollmer family farm--which was mortifying because I went to school with the Vollmers. Berrypicking is poor-people work and the Vollmers are one of the berry farming elite families of Sandy. Krista Vollmer was always nice as nice could be--but her cousin Ryan was the hugest dick and always rubbed it in my face that I was one of "his" employees. When I got older, I'd ride my bike out to Game Farm Road and pick with my friend Suzanne Skibba--but that was actually kind of fun. We were unsupervised, loopy from the sun, and scandalized (but flattered) by the attentions of the old Mexican guys.

Those are my first 5 paid jobs, and all pretty marginal. Next volume: legitimate teenaged employment with a paycheck and EVERYTHING!

Check out her blog for future installments. Find it by clicking here.


Read indy comic hot shot Jeffrey Brown's story HERE
My Cousin's brutal tale of being a beat cop in NYC is HERE
Swimming with dolphins in Gay Hawaii is HERE.
Being Will Ferrell is HERE.

And of course all of my own work tales are HERE!
and my home page is HERE.

I've Been Cockeyed

Can you tell what day Cockeyed.com put up a link to my site?


Read indy comic hot shot Jeffrey Brown's story HERE
My Cousin's brutal tale of being a beat cop in NYC is HERE
Swimming with dolphins in Gay Hawaii is HERE.
Being Will Ferrell is HERE.

And of course all of my own work tales are HERE!
and my home page is HERE.