RockAss.net / allmyjobs

I've had too many jobs in my life. I have no security, no retirement plan, not even a decent resume. I do however have many stories. And here they are. This blog 100% maintained while on the clock at my current job. Please don't tell my boss.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Roofing, Comedy, Trash Orgies and Panhandling

So I’d come to terms with who and what I was. I would probably not be finding a career or a stable job anytime soon and I accepted this. I’d probably also never be as bored as most people seemed to be. In the meanwhile I performed stand up comedy, sometimes dressed up as a fly named Francois. I started a comedy troupe called I Can't Believe It's Not Comedy and toured from San Diego up to Seattle. I write for the local weekly paper on a freelance basis and my writing is seen by many on various websites including my own.

We revived the Tuesday Night Grindhouse only now it was the Trash Film Orgy and it was a six week festival playing at Sacramento’s nicest theatre The Crest, on Saturday Nights. For the first few years it was hosted by Francois Fly, but he and I quit after a couple of years, because that’s what we do. The show goes on without us.

I’ve been on stage with porn star Ron Jeremy. I’ve been tackled to the ground by actor Bruce Campbell. I’ve shared stages (and dressing rooms) with the country’s most beautiful burlesque dancers.

Bryna continues to go to school and we continue to be broke but we have our creature comforts and each other and we’re happy except when we’re not which isn’t too often and can usually be remedied by swapping jobs again.

Currently I’m exploring panhandling on freeway offramps as an artform. When not perched on an offramp with a cardboard sign I still sit in the office of the roofing company but as my two year anniversary approaches I’m planning my next move. And it’s a good thing too since I spend most of my time at work writing about the jobs I’ve had in the past.

You may think this marks the end of this blog, but it's really just the beginning. I'll be cleaning up all of this stories and adding to them, but the best part is I'll be running stories from other folks about their job experiences. I'll also be going out and applying for the worst jobs I can find and hopefully getting them so I can write about them.

Please keep visit, post comments, I get CRAZY amounts of hits to this here blog but hardly any comments. I appreciate links to this blog. Thanks.

PS: I'll work on getting the images going again. I used up all the free space that blogger gave me for photos.

Click here for previous post -------- Or here to start at the beginning

Congratulations, You've reached the end. I hope you enjoyed the stories. I'm working on getting a rewrtitten, edited version published. In the meanwhile I could really use your support to cover printing costs (and to pay for my coffee). If you'd like to donate via paypal you can do so. The first 100 people to make donations of $10 or more can have a digital version of the first rewrite of the book, with lots of goodies not in the blog. Thanks again, and be sure to check out All My Kisses.

To donate use the button to the right. When I try to post a button within a post it doesn't work.

17 Comments:

  • At 6:44 AM, Blogger Phelpsy said…

    You need comments, well first up, if you need room to host images try using ImageShack or Walagata Both are great sites that allow you to host images.

    I know I should have commented on all the stories that I have read but I am too busy clicking on the link to read the next story that I dont have time to add a comment.

    Maybe I'll go back through them all and post comments on my favourites.

    Phelpsy

     
  • At 8:56 AM, Anonymous ooga booga said…

    NOOO!!!!!! IT'S OVER!!!!!
    sniff...

    hopefully you'll have all those other stories up before long... I really enjoyed my daily dose of crazy keith job stories...

    how about applying at wal mart as a bagger and putting anti-wal mart propaganda inside shopper's shopping bags?

    or working as a waiter in a steakhouse and leaving those flyers depicting the torture of animals in commercial slaughterhouses and the epithet "go vegan" in the menus?

    that's an art form I've always wanted to explore but never had the time/ energy: guerrilla employee activism...

     
  • At 10:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Really enjoyable stuff. I'm looking forward to your updates.

    Reading these I feel like I've lived almost the antithesis of your interesting, wide range of jobs: four years of college -> four years in the Army -> three years of law school -> now I'm grinding it out as a lawyer.

    So that makes it extra-good to read about your living on your own terms and live vicariously through your stories. Maybe you've even inspired me to mix things up in my own life a little.

    At the very least, I'll keep reading. Keep it up Keith.

    - John

     
  • At 12:00 AM, Anonymous Jace said…

    I enjoyed reading about your various strange jobs. I've had some strange ones myself, but I guess we all have. The main thing that stuck me was the sense of familiarity to your wandering from job to job, not wanting to settle into a "career". I've found myself floating through various corporate jobs, only to quit when I felt ready to snap, and damn it always felt so good to know I wasn't going back.

     
  • At 12:37 PM, Blogger Michael sp8 said…

    You Sir, are an inspiration. I'm going to be quitting my job of 8 years to find something new, and I was terrified, this blog has abolished such terror, and now i'm just excited to start a new life.

     
  • At 9:53 PM, Anonymous Steve said…

    Thanks for the great stories, I really got a kick out of reading them. Being a long-haired, punk-assed, teenaged hippy out trying to find a job for the first time, I hope I can land something as interesting as you've made all these past jobs seem.

     
  • At 7:02 PM, Blogger Keith Lowell Jensen said…

    Yeah, we're taught to be pretty terrified of losing our jobs, and it strange that shortly after finishing this thing, I ended up in a position that will make it much harder for me to change jobs. It seems I have a disease called Ulcerative Colitis. I'm managing it pretty well, but I probably shouldn't live without health coverage again, so the jobs I can swap to are limited.
    More importantly I took up skateboarding again. That's where the health care REALLY kicks in. I've broken three bones in the last six months. Ha!
    Thanks all for the comments.

     
  • At 8:18 AM, Blogger Tessa said…

    Comment for youuuu!

    Great site - very interesting. I'll be checking back to see how it progresses.

    Thanks - Tessa

     
  • At 9:25 AM, Anonymous Derek said…

    I really liked the stories.

    You are a very easy guy to relate to/with (in your stories).

    Very enjoyable. Nicely written. I like how you moralize without getting preachy... ...and how you tie it all to 'work'.

    I think that it is also neat how some of your old coworkers have found the site, and left comments... it gives the whole project an air of legitimacy...

    I don;t read much anymore - but i really liked this stuff. I have never read anybody who almost 'embraces' all of the negative stereotypes associated with us 'Gen-X'ers... (but that is just because I am too lazy, shiftless, and unambitious to read) It is good to see.

    keep writing.

     
  • At 12:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I just finished reading and enjoy your blog as well... one of the points I connect with most is how much value you can get out of working a blue collar job, even if you intend on moving up in life. You gain a much better perspective in the workforce starting from the bottom than hiding behind a degree until you've exhausted the schooling system and can safely slip into a higher pay scale. Thanks for the enjoyment!

     
  • At 8:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hey - I was a cop in Humboldt County (until a few weeks ago). I saw tons of people that sounded so similar to some of the folks you ran around with. I have always wanted to understand the motivation for keeping on the move - and working just enough to get by. Thanks for opening the window! Life isn't just corporate America, and amassing wealth. For some people, that's ok. For others, it's not. There's nothing wrong with either path in life (as long as you aren't hurting other people). I moved on, looking for a greater quality of life. We left California.

    I just finished building my chicken coop. I have 10 chickens. My wife and I planted a garden. I am very happy. I'm unemployed for now, but come Tuesday (3 days), I'll be working for corporate America. I'm OK with that. In fact, I'm excited. I won't have to scrape people off of the ground anymore (drunk or squished). I won't have to see all of the horrible things that people do to each other. I'm very grateful for the years that I served on the street. It taught me a lot, and I was able to be the kind of cop that I wanted. I'm proud of that.

    Anyway, thanks for the great read. I've enjoyed it immensly. Helps me understand people who are different from me.

    BTW - I found your blog from cockeyed.com.

     
  • At 10:14 PM, Blogger Keith Lowell Jensen said…

    Thanks guys.
    This has been really cool having so many folks take such an interest in this.

    And anonymous former cop, did you read the story by my Cousin Andy the cop?
    If you go the front page of the blog and then scroll to the bottom you should see a link. It's a pretty painful but well written beautiful story.

     
  • At 9:52 AM, Anonymous Humboldt County Cop said…

    Just read your cousin's story. Been there, done that (sorry for the worn out phrase). I remember being called to the home of a guy who hadn't been seen for a while. It was a town house. I searched the downstairs and then headed up the stairs. Just as I turned the corner at the top of the stairs, there he was. Sitting in an office chair, not two feet from my face. I wanted to jump back! Bloated, yucky.

    Or how about the little 70 year old Portuguese man who decided that he couldn't live without his wife who had just left him (because of his affair). His brother found him. We stood out in the street looking down the long driveway. The garage door was open, and you could see his outline in the dim light of the garage, his feet were 18" off the ground. In my head I could hear the rope and the rafters creaking as his body swayed in the breeze. (That last scene was invented by my head, as I later tried to deal with the recurring images).

    How about the college kid who decided to hike up into the redwoods and shoot himself in the head? His long, black hair was strewn up through the branches of the tree he was under, like the cheap "icicles" that you put on a Christmas tree. The ones that end up all over the floor and clogging your vacuum cleaner.

    How about the transient heroin junkie grandpa, that would crash on his grandkid's twin bed now and again. Grandma (his divorced wife) felt bad for him once in awhile and would let him stay. She was absolutely sure that he wouldn't do his stuff in her place. Well, after finding him dead in the grandkid's bed, she called. He'd been there all night, curled up kindof in a fetal position. When we rolled him over, he stayed in that fetal position. He'd laid his head down on his hand, and died that way. His face had a permanent impression of his hand. Sort of like the Opera fight scene in Val Kilmer's "Top Secret", where the lead character gets into a fight with the German intelligence officer. If you didn't see it, go get it. Anyway, we found his hype kit stuffed under the bed. Didn't know what to tell her to do with the bloody-purge soaked "Power-Ranger" sheets.

    The worst one was when 17 year old son decided that he hated dad enough. He went into dad's bedroom and beat him with something (probably a bat or a board) as he lay in his bed. After it was over, son couldn't stand looking at his dad's body, so he covered him up with a pile of clothes. Apparently that's a common reaction to familial homicide. We pulled the clothes off and found dad's head, probably an inch and a half thick. It was very gory, and I'll spare the details.

    I'm thankful to have been a cop in California, and then in Humboldt County. Folks in California are a bit more compassionate than other places. Humboldt County folks are more so. My co-workers, including EMTs and the coroners were always above-board. People in the business tried to do the right thing. Of course, we had our dark humor, but it's the only way to deal with the horror of HAVING to be the one to listen to the ADHD 6 year old tell you that he spent the entire night with his dead mother, before leaving the house. After seeing the foamy purge come from her mouth, he supposed that their little dog had eaten her tongue. All of this came matter-of-factly from the boy. My head was swirling thinking about my 6 year old and the drastic differences between the home life of these two boys.

    These images are perfectly burned into my brain. I can't remember much about my 4 year old when he was a toddler, but I can tell you all about the murder-suicide.

    It's a rough business, but it had plenty of rewards and I saw some amazingly cool things and some incredible acts of kindness. I was able to be a part of something great.

    Sorry to go into depth here. I think my "don't hate all cops" advocacy kicked in.

     
  • At 9:59 AM, Anonymous Humboldt County Cop said…

    I got a little caught up and forgot one point.

    I think that my own way of dealing with these things was to emotionally distance myself to whatever was happening.

    Sometimes it was so surreal that it was just like living inside of a movie. A big-screen 3D movie. You know how you can sit in the theater and be absorbed by the story, yet you know that you are safe cause it's just a movie? For me, being a cop was like that. At some point during the call, I felt like I could just step out into the lobby, take a leak, buy some popcorn and go back in for the rest of the call.

     
  • At 12:04 PM, Anonymous Kris said…

    Keith,

    I just finished reading all of your stories. You've lead an interesting life full of adventure, and I hope that most of it was as enjoyable for you, as it was for me to read about it. Keep up the great work, I'd love to hear more stories, and I think it would be great if you eventually landed a publishing deal with these.

    Cheers!

    Kris

     
  • At 10:49 PM, Anonymous Paul said…

    I almost wish I didn't read all of these so soon.

    Now I'll have to find something else to read while in school. :(

    Great stories, Keith!

     
  • At 1:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Intriguing stories, doubly so as a native Sacramentan. If you need some editing done, I'd be happy to help. How best to contact you?

     

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