New Story- Marshmallows in; "Trouble With The Law"

I don't know why I took so long to write this one, unless maybe I already wrote it and forgot about it. Enjoy.
I got busted shoplifting when I was a teenager. Read all about it here.

A Fight!

Flame on. Follow the fight at the erection site here:
www.sensibleerection.com/entry.php/60345

and at my site here:
www.rockass.net/allmyjobs/2005/08/all-jobs-in-order-even.html
(Scroll to teh comments at the bottom.

MAD for LIFE, Yo!

What Me Worry?
I'm about fourteen in this picture. I'm dressed as Alfred E. Newman for Halloween. I loved MAD Magazine, ever since I was a little kid, and I never had any peers who were into it, which made me like it even more. When I found the official Alfred E. costume kit in the $1 clearance bin of Ross or some such place I was most stoked. It came with ears, tooth black, temporary red hair dye and a freckles pencil. My mom helped me fashion the costume. Those are my real life favorite pants. I wore them with my Echo and The Bunnymen T-shirt. I was very cool.

Note the tiny pumpkin. I love miniatures. I really wanted minature pets. I tried to be satisfied with Sea Monkeys and Hermit crab, but I really wanted miniature lions, and miniature gazelles each living in their own miniature habitats, and once a week or so a gazelle would have to switch tanks, 'cause lions gotta eat. Mini penguins would of course live in the freezer, and that would be the coolest. No mini polar bears though, 'cause I couldn't stand to have anything eating my penguins. Penguins are cute, gazelles, not so much.

I did an informal survey, and most of my guy friends either wanted mini pets at some point in their lives, or started wanting them as soon as described the lion/gazelle scenario. Most women I talked with thought I was nuts and did not want mini pets!? I also noticed most of my aquarium geek friends were male!? Any psychology students out there want to help me understand this?

That's James, my little brother, with me in the pic. He's not dressed for halloween. That's just what he looks like. There was nothing the surgeons could do.

Thanks to my cousin Tracy for sending me this picture.

Jackass; a guilty pleasure

Why should I be ashamed to admit that this idiocy makes me laugh out loud? Sure these guys aren't always the most sensitive of fellas, but god damn they crack me up in the most delightful low-brow sorta way. I can't wait to see Number Two.

G. Love - Lemonade

Brushfire Records

G. Love did amaze us by mixing hip-hop, blues and a bit of folk in a way that actually worked. Unfortunately, his newest solo effort has one wishing he’d stick with the Special Sauce instead of sluttin’ around with famous friends like Jack Johnson and Ben Harper. There are a few great tracks here, like “Can’t Go Back to Jersey,” with that old G. Love charm, and the straight hip-hop “Banger,” with guests Blackalicious and Lateef the Truth Speaker, comes through. But at least half of the album sounds like a musically proficient but creatively stagnant blues band showing off some heartless chops. Even G’s lyrics, normally a guaranteed treat, seem this time around like clichés. Ever seen an aging blues act bring a bad rapper onstage in an attempt to keep up with the times?

As printed in The News and Review.

Updates

Sea Monkeys: Three are alive and well but the whole second generation disappeared? Eaten by the older ones? Hmmm?

Book: Still working on the latest rewrite, and selecting the fifty pages to present to the agent who has agreed to look at it.

Dreams: had some wild ones lately.

No Petrol: Biking to work and school. Driving once a week to edit video for panhandling film.

Film: The Panhandling documentary is coming along. We've actually marked out the plot points and we're piecing the film together. I'm taking a class in video editing so that I can do more projects.

ICBINC: We have a show booked with Brent Weinbach's comedy troupe, Boom Time. Details soon.

Lots More Photoshop Contest Entries

Multiple entries from two guys who've already submitted. They're hooked I tell you. I'm gonna get sued for the cost of their recovery I just know it. That Betty Ford clinic aint cheap. Francois Fly will add his comments to each pic tommorow. He's got a show tonight.

Five from Bret Wilson











Three more from TOR







Read the rules here.
See the first days entries here.

Factotum Comes Through

Factotum, based on the writing of Charles Bukowski, is GREAT! I went in with low expectations. "Dillon's too pretty to play Hank Chinaski" I thought. Within the first ten minutes of the film Matt Dillon had my respect and for the rest of the movie I got lost in Bukowski land. The pacing, the awkward silences, the hillarious though subtle humor all makes for a fantastic movie, for Bukowski fans and, I would guess, for those unfamilliar with his work.

Inside Deep Throat

Without knowing it's history and even without putting it in the grander historical context, Deep Throat is one amazing movie. After all, it is a comedy, musical, porno detailing the adventures of a woman whose clitoris is in her throat. I have long been a fan.

The documentary "Inside Deep Throat" is an amazing look at how the film came to be, the impact it had on our society as it drew responses from hollywood, the feminist movement and even the country's highest office occupied at that time by Richard Millhouse Nixon before he had another Deep Throat to worry about.
Interviews from such diverse personalites as Hugh Hefner, Bill Maher, Camille Paglia, Harry Reams, Gerard Damiano (the director of Deep Throat) and Norman Mailer along with tons of old newsreel and press clipping doing a great job of letting us get a feel for what this film meant when it was unleashed in 1972 and what it's come to mean in the years since.

Inside Deep Throat also explores the stranger than fiction stories of the parties involved, before and after Deep Throat sent their lives on a roller coaster course. Linda Lovelace's story in particular will amaze. She went on to become a born again Christian and a feminist poster child, participating in anti-porn hysteria and claiming to have been hypnotized and coerced into making the film with threats of violence or even death. A decade or so later she posed for adult magazine's again, figuring she might as well be making some money off the name that would not stop following her around.

I was glad to see the filmmakers, while taking a look at the tabu's surrounding sex, did not wimp out. What I mean to say is, they didn't try to look Deep Throat without looking at Deep Throat. Yes, this documentary is rated NC17.

I give it a thumbs up (um, in this context that may sound dirty, and that's fine with me.)

Read more about Porno here.

The New York Dolls

The New York Dolls
One Day It Will Please Us to Remember Even This
Roadrunner Records
Buster Poindexter becomes David Johansen once again, changing his name back and donning a tiny T-shirt and tight jeans. He’s even grown his hair out--all so he can try to squeeze a bit more cash out of the New York Dolls’ legacy with a reunion album. Sylvain Sylvain, the only other Doll of old still among the living, joins Johansen here, as does Hanoi Rocks bassist Sammi Yaffa. One Day It Will Please Us to Remember Even This sounds like the worst of Johansen’s solo efforts--that is to say great, simple rock ’n’ roll backing awkward, self-indulgent vocals that grate on the nerves ever more with each track. If you’re looking for a new take on the Dolls, you’re better off checking out Morrissey’s brilliant cover of “Human Being,” released earlier this year.

As published in the News and Review

Thumbin' it up to Seattle

I'm pretty excited. This Ocotober my friend Bret and I will be hitchhiking up to Seattle, visiting friends in Portland along the way. If we make good time maybe we'll even check out Vancouver which is one of my favorite cities. I hope we don't die.

Another Photoshop Contest Entry

Frank Franny Francois Francine, another great entry from Nick Roberts,

Read the rules here.
See the first days entries here.

Super Fly

Click image to enlarge.

Now why didn't someone do this one sooner? Good job Bret Wilson.

Read the rules here.
See the first days entries here.

More Photoshop Contest Entries

Click images to see larger version.

Nick decided it was worth risking an eterinity in hell to try for the $20 grand prize. Maybe we can be roommates.

Charlie Moreno of www.TaintedHumor.net writes, "I've attached a Flypaper. The first Official Francois Fly Desktop Wallpaper for people's computers! Not great photoshop contest material, but damn good marketing idea! I should win. It can be used for download from just about any type of website, myspace bulletin, and emails."

Our good friend Jason Adair (I don't hesitate to admit that we're friends since there's no way he's winning. Just kidding Jason, but no, really.) sends us this one, which he titles "Fly on Shit."

and Finally, TOR uses the "Do Lots of Drugs before opening up photoshop, YEARS before opening photoshop, in fact, start a few decades before photoshop's dreamt of" approach with his three fine submissions.






Read the rules here.
See the first days entries here.

Vaginia Vagina Vagina

SCROLL DOWN for photoshop contest.

I shot a commercial for The Vagina Monologues, and Johathan Morken helped me edit it. It was 29 seconds long. Here's the extended remix. Go see the show.

I wish the commercial could've said, "GUYS! What the hell. It's cute women talking about their vaginas! Why aren't you fellas going crazy for this? It's VAGINA for god's sake!"

Cats That Look Like Hitler

Looking for photoshop contest? Scroll down.

Found this on my friend Ken's myspace page.
It's www.catsthatlooklikehitler.com.
Now, being a cat lover, I'd rather think these guys look like Charlie Chaplin, and a few really do. Some actually look like Groucho Marx. But many, like that fellow on the left there, look undeniably like the failed artist himself.
The webmaster has dubbed these unfortunate felines Kitlers.
Too funny.

They Might Be Giants

This is the tune that had me falling in love with TMBG.

Photo Shop Contest off to a great start

Here's the entries from day one. Contest rules HERE.
Do these pics justice and click on 'em to see the full size versions.
Commentary by The Fly himself.

Tom Knockoff
Rockin' Tom Knockoff writes "I need $20.00, dammit!!" Best of luck Tom. I love that this toy comes with poo. And if you don't win, I still have a way for you to earn $20 sweetie. Come by my trailor, we'll talk.








Mark Lahey
Mark's got quality and volume. A nice a approach. This one would be a great t-shirt.







Maybe I can pay the $20 first prize in Francois Bucks.



Very nice, but I'd rather have been posin' with Samuel Jackson than Travolta, but I guess I AM Samuel Jackson, and that's plenty cool.




A photoshop classic. Just for the record, I was instructed to shoot Kenedy by our alien overlords.












Nixon gets a bad rap. Sure, he was paranoid, dishonest, violent, but hey, he taught Carl Rove everything he knows, and he loved Elvis, even when Elvis was fat and whacked out on pills.








Now that's nice. That's just nice. But why'm I always the black guy Mark? You think I don't hear, "Is that black face?" often enough. I'm A FLY!!! Our faces are black!

Francois Fly Photo Shop Contest

Posted by Francois Fly to MySpace.

There are plenty of photos of Francois Fly on myspace

www.myspace.com/flycomedian
www.myspace.com/francoisfly
Francois Fly Fan Club

But you don't even have to use any of these.

Create a Francois Fly themed image using photoshop or using crayons, or using whatever you want, and win fabulous prizes.

• 1st Prize
  $20. Yeah man, that's TWENTY FREAKIN' DOLLARS!!! DAMN!
  A Francois Fly DVD
  An I Can't Believe It's Not Comedy CD
  Fame and fortune
  

• 2nd Prize
  A Francois Fly DVD
  An I Can't Believe It's Not Comedy CD
  Fame and Fortune
  

• 3rd Prize
  A Francois Fly DVD
  Fame and Fortune

• All entries will be featured at www.RockAss.net (my buddy KLJ's site) along with a link to the myspace page or website or blog or whatever of the artist who created the image, unless I decide that you're an ass and I don't want to display your image, which I reserve the right to do.

Send your images to francoisfly@yahoo.com
Deadline September 28th

When Do We Start The Impeachment?

Read the story from it's source here.

By DEB RIECHMANN, Associated Press Writer

WASHINGTON -
President Bush on Wednesday acknowledged for the first time that the
CIA runs secret prisons overseas and said tough interrogation forced terrorist leaders to reveal plots to attack the United States and its allies.

Bush said 14 suspects — including the mastermind of the Sept. 11 attacks and architects of the 2000 bombing of the USS Cole and the U.S. Embassy bombings in Kenya and Tanzania — had been turned over to the Defense Department and moved to the U.S. detention center at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, for trial.

"This program has been, and remains, one of the most vital tools in our war against the terrorists," Bush said.

"Were it not for this program, our intelligence community believes that al-Qaida and its allies would have succeeded in launching another attack against the American homeland."

Releasing information declassified just hours earlier, Bush said the capture of one terrorist just months after the Sept. 11 attacks had led to the capture of another and then another, and had revealed planning for attacks using airplanes, car bombs and anthrax.

Nearing the fifth anniversary of Sept. 11, Bush pressed Congress to quickly pass administration-drafted legislation authorizing the use of military commissions for trials of terror suspects. Legislation is needed because the Supreme Court in June said the administration's plan for trying detainees in military tribunals violated U.S. and international law.

The president's speech, his third in a recent series about the war on terror, gave him an opportunity to shore up his administration's credentials on national security two months before congressional elections at a time when Americans are growing weary of the war in
Iraq.

Democrats, hoping to make the elections a referendum on Bush's policies in Iraq and the war on terror, urged anew that Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld be made to step down. They argued that the White House has mishandled the war, mismanaged the detainee system and failed to prosecute terrorists.

"Democrats take a back seat to no one in the fight against terror and using every resource to strengthen our national security," Sen. Edward Kennedy (news, bio, voting record), D-Mass., said. "By riding roughshod over our laws, the Bush administration has made America less safe and made the war on terror harder to win."

With the transfer of the 14 men to Guantanamo, there currently are no detainees being held by the CIA, Bush said. A senior administration official said the CIA had detained fewer than 100 suspected terrorists in the history of the program.

Still, Bush said that "having a CIA program for questioning terrorists will continue to be crucial to getting lifesaving information."

Earlier this year, an anti-torture panel at the
United Nations recommended the closure of Guantanamo and criticized alleged U.S. use of secret prisons and suspected delivery of prisoners to foreign countries for questioning. Some Democrats and human rights groups argued that the CIA's secret prison system did not allow monitoring for abuses and they hoped that it would be shut down.

"He finally acknowledged the elephant in the room that everybody had always been talking about," said Jumana Musa, advocacy director for Amnesty International USA.

"I think what surprised me is he seemed to be asking Congress to legalize it through statutes, essentially allowing him to continue to detain people in secret by sort of putting forth all this information that they got from these folks and somehow using that to justify what has been recognized by U.N. committees as an unlawful act and contrary to our treaty obligations."

The president declined to disclose the location or details of the detainees' confinement or the interrogation techniques.

"I cannot describe the specific methods used — I think you understand why," Bush said in the East Room, where families of some of those who died in the Sept. 11 attacks heartily applauded him when he promised to finally bring the perpetrators to justice.

"If I did, it would help the terrorists learn how to resist questioning and to keep information from us that we need to prevent new attacks on our country. But I can say the procedures were tough, and they were safe and lawful and necessary."

Bush insisted that the detainees were not tortured.

"I want to be absolutely clear with our people, and the world: The United States does not torture," Bush said. "It's against our laws, and it's against our values. I have not authorized it, and I will not authorize it."

Bush said the information from terrorists in CIA custody has played a role in the capture or questioning of nearly every senior al-Qaida member or associate detained by the U.S. and its allies since the program began.

He said they include Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, the accused Sept. 11 mastermind, as well as Ramzi Binalshibh, an alleged would-be 9/11 hijacker, and Abu Zubaydah, who was believed to be a link between
Osama bin Laden and many al-Qaida cells.

He said interrogators have succeeded in getting information that has helped make photo identifications, pinpoint terrorist hiding places, provide ways to make sense of documents, identify voice recordings and understand the meaning of terrorist communications, al-Qaida's travel routes and hiding places,

The administration had refused until now to acknowledge the existence of CIA prisons. Bush said he was going public because the United States has largely completed questioning the suspects, and also because the CIA program had been jeopardized by the Supreme Court ruling.

The Supreme Court ruled that prisoner protections spelled out by the Geneva Conventions should extend to members of al-Qaida. In addition to torture and cruel treatment, the treaties ban "outrages against personal dignity" and "humiliating and degrading treatment."

Administration officials said they were concerned the ruling left U.S. personnel vulnerable to be prosecuted under the War Crimes Act because the language under the Geneva Conventions was so vague.

The Supreme Court ruling put a damper on the CIA's program, virtually putting the interrogation of detainees on hold until such prohibitions like "outrages against personal dignity" could be defined by law.

"We're not interrogating now because CIA officials feel like the rules are so vague that they cannot interrogate without being tried as war criminals, and that's irresponsible," Bush said in an interview with "CBS Evening News."

The administration-drafted legislation would authorize the defense secretary to convene a military commission with five members, plus a judge to preside. It would guarantee a detainee's access to military counsel but eliminate other rights common in military and civilian courts. The bill would allow reliable hearsay and potentially coerced testimony to be used as evidence in court, as well as the submission of classified evidence "outside the presence of the accused."

Senate Republican leaders hailed Bush's proposal.

"It's important to remember these defendants are not common criminals," said Senate Majority Whip Mitch McConnell, R-Ky. "Rather, many are terrorists, sworn enemies of the United States."

But Democrats and GOP moderates warned that the plan would set a dangerous precedent, ensuring the legislation would not likely sail through Congress unchanged.

Republican Sens. John Warner, John McCain and Lindsey Graham have drafted a rival proposal. Unlike the administration's plan, the senators' proposal would allow a defendant to access to all evidence used against them. The plan by Warner, chairman of the Armed Services Committee, also would prohibit coerced testimony.

Graham, R-S.C., said withholding evidence from a war criminal sets a dangerous precedent other nations could follow. "Would I be comfortable with (an American service member) going to jail with evidence they never saw? No," Graham said.

Also on Wednesday, the
Pentagon put out a new Army field manual that spells out appropriate conduct on issues including prisoner interrogation. The manual applies to all the armed services but not the CIA. It bans torture and degrading treatment of prisoners, for the first time specifically mentioning forced nakedness, hooding and other procedures that have become infamous during the war on terror.

___

Associated Press writer Anne Plummer Flaherty contributed to this report.

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